My child can be so frustrating!

Do you feel that way sometimes? I think we all do.

These days, paying attention takes effort for all of us. You’ll need to help your child focus by giving them tools.

Kids’ developing brains flit from one thing to the next. Getting them to clean up after themselves before something else catches their eye can feel impossible.

But in today’s world of distractions, isn’t it a wonder that any of us can focus throughout a conversation or an entire task?

State and national academic testing is coming up fast. How can we support our children in doing their best focusing?

Here’s the good news:

With some small tweaks in communication, a few activities, and a little practice, your kids will be able to focus. So. Much. Better.

Below, you’ll find 14 simple strategies to boost your child’s focusing power.

Kids who learn to focus enjoy improved:

• Communication skills
• Relationships
• Behavior
• Learning

Whether your child will be taking tests or not, trying out several of these tips to help your child focus will be a huge help for them in our world of constant stimulation.

(You’ll improve your own focusing power while you’re at it. 😉)

14 Ways to Help Kids’ Brains Get Better at Focusing:

1. Work together to establish a family routine—and be consistent.

Our brains are all about keeping us safe. When kids feel safe, their brains are much better at learning—that is, their brains make new cells, neural connections, and neural pathways more efficiently (Goleman 2006).

A routine is a predictable sequence of actions or events. Talk with your family, come up with a schedule that works for everyone, and write it down.

In about a week, revisit your routine to see what’s working and what isn’t, and revise as needed.

This works well even if your kids are too little to read and write as long as you and your partner communicate as a family and stay as true to your intention as possible.

Don’t worry. You don’t have to be perfect. Just remember that an intentional, repetitive sequence of activities will allow your kids to know what’s coming next. This reduces anxiety and increases efficiency in the brain for better focus.

2. Pay attention to what your child eats.

Healthy eating helps kids’ brains focus. The problem is that a lot of kids who have trouble focusing crave processed carbs—bread, pasta, crackers, cereal, cookies . . . which metabolize as sugar and aren’t good for kids’ memories. In fact, you’ll do your whole family a favor if you limit things like pizza, spaghetti, and most boxed cereals (Gunnars 2017).

Provide omega-rich foods, which improve learning, memory, and mental health (UCLA 2008)—fish, eggs, walnuts, kiwi, soybeans, flax and chia seeds, to name a few.

Feed your family fresh fruits and vegetables as often as possible to nurture brain development and function. (Are there picky eaters in the house? Try some of the ideas here.)

3. Meet physical needs to help your child focus.

Kids who need help to focus often have brains that are more sensitive to getting their basic needs met than other children. Nutrition is particularly important (see #2), along with hydration (6-8 glasses of water daily) and sleep (9 to 11 hours) (Simmons et al 2017).

It’s hard to think when you’re hungry, thirsty, or tired, right? Imagine how your child feels in full-growth mode, which requires a lot of energy. When your child lacks in any of these areas, thinking becomes impaired—and focus is the first thing to go.

Brains are what scientists call “plastic.” That means they can develop and change. Getting all these needs met can be tough when we get busy. But the more consistent you can be with healthy diet, plenty of water, and ample sleep, the more your child’s brain will be able to move toward better focus.

4. Provide opportunities for daily physical exercise.

Working up a good sweat is good for all of us but is particularly important for kids who struggle to focus, especially those kids who have trouble sleeping. Heart-pumping exercise produces brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), active in producing new cells, cell growth, and maintenance. Exercise also helps kids sleep, which repairs damaged cells and reboots our brains for a new day (Dinoff et al 2016).

5. Model good listening.

When your child tells you a story or talks about something that happened at school, focus on the conversation with intention.

Sometimes it’s hard to ignore interruptions when our kids talk to us. Our phones can be especially distracting. But remember, you can call back or respond to a text (or any alert) later. If you must give in to your phone, apologize for the interruption, and remind your child where the two of you left off to continue the conversation. If a sibling competes for attention, either include them in the conversation or hold up a hand for your other child to wait.

We have to model intentional focus if we want our kids to learn to focus.

6. Touch your child.

A gentle physical connection—a hand on the shoulder or arm—can get your child’s attention and keep it long enough for the two of you to have a conversation. The brain is a marvelous network of systems that work together. The sensation your child feels on his arm also fires neural pathways that participate in processing language.

7. Meet your child eye-to-eye.

Eye contact is another form of connection—and connection helps us focus.

If your child is small, squat so you can listen and talk at eye-level. You can also sit on a couch or bench together. But no matter the age, from toddler to teen, look at your child and encourage the same respect throughout your conversations.

8. Have your child establish a special signal.

Most kids age 5 and older can choose a signal for family members to use to alert them to re-focus—maybe a tug on an ear lobe or the tap of a finger on your chin. That way, when their minds begin to drift, they can be reminded to pay attention without embarrassment.

9. Play memory games.

Memory is like a muscle—if you exercise it, it gets stronger. Kids who have trouble focusing often can pay better attention when they practice using their memories.

A few example activities:

• Clap patterns—Take turns doing clap patterns and copy each other’s rhythms.
• Add a move—Make a move, add one more, and so on. Touch your nose, for instance. Then your child touches his nose and stomps a foot. You touch your nose, stomp a foot, and waggle your tongue. Your child does all those things in order and shakes her hands in the air, and so on. The sillier you get, the more kids love this game!
• Match pairs—Remember the game “Concentration” where you take turns flipping over cards to see if you can find a match? You can use a regular deck of playing cards (match red or black suits with numbers and face cards), or get a deck of matching pairs.

In the beginning, place only three or four pairs face down in random order. Have your child flip over cards, one at a time, to see if she can remember the location of the matching card. Starting with only a few pairs will ensure your child’s success. Add more pairs as she gains confidence.

10. Give one direction at a time.

Most children, before age 6 or 7, have trouble following multiple directions.

And kids’ brains develop at different rates. Our older daughter, who had severe difficulty with focus, responded best when we gave her one direction at a time through high school!

For some kids, asking them to clear the table and then take out the trash gets lost in their brains. They don’t end up doing either task. Whereas, when you ask them to do one specific thing, they can focus on that thing to completion.

11. Break projects into small bites.

Taking one small step after another toward a goal until it’s achieved proves to kids that projects are doable and don’t have to be overwhelming.

Offer praise for your child’s effort from start to finish, even if you used a couple of the suggestions above to help him re-focus.

These victories will help your child understand the satisfaction that comes from accomplishing something. Soon he will learn how to turn projects into small steps by himself.

12. Use a timer.

Challenge your child to finish a task before the timer goes off. Timers stress out some, but for many, the timer provides a fun challenge where kids can be successful. The more your child finds success in maintaining focus, the greater the incentive to continue getting better at it.

13. Give your child an earplug.

Putting an earplug in one ear creates soothing white noise and blocks just enough sound to help distractible kids stay focused through noise that would otherwise derail their thoughts.

14. Get colored dot stickers.

The object is to help our kids eventually learn how focus on their own, and dots can help.

When you think your child has the maturity to start working on her focusing ability on her own, ask her to choose a color (our daughter chose green—in fourth grade). Then have her stick small dots of the same color on her pencils, e-tablet, and other tools. When her mind starts to drift, with practice, the dot will catch her eye and remind her to re-focus.

These focusing ideas will not only help your child or children.

You’ll find a lot of these tips will help YOU to focus better too.

Please tell us what ideas you intend to try.

Also tell us any OTHER things you have done with success to help yourself and your child or children focus!

Here’s to improving our control over what we CHOOSE to focus on rather than flitting from one thing to the next!

Happy parenting, 😊

Trish Wilkinson

Coach, speaker, author Brain Stages: How to Raise Smart, Confident Kids and Have Fun Doing It