Would you like your children to grow up to be well-adjusted generally happy adults?
Researchers have pinpointed two keys to human well-being—no matter how much money you make, education you have, or what culture you come from.
And these keys are — drum-roll please — GENEROSITY and GRATITUDE.
In fact, scientists can track what happens our brains when we give and when we’re grateful.[1]
When we focus on others or express appreciation, the amygdala or stress center in our brains becomes less active, while the ventral tegmental area, our reward system, becomes more active.[2]
Even making the decision to give — a physical gift or of our time — causes our temporal parietal junction to engage and increase connectivity with the ventral striatum, the brain areas that light up on an fMRI when we get happy.[3]
And the holidays are a great time for kids to practice giving and expressing appreciation for the gifts they receive.
4 Ways to Give Your Kids a Generosity and Gratefulness Workout This Season
- GET YOUR CHILD(REN) INVESTED IN THE HOLIDAY BY MAKING GIFTS FOR FAMILY MEMBERS.
Include grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.
Some gift ideas that were a big hit in our family:
-
- Thematic cookies for family members — One year, I got a big box of plastic cookie cutters on sale, and our kids made a frosted football for a cousin who was into the game, a train for another cousin, a decorated money symbol for an aunt who was an accountant, and so on.
- Gingerbread cookies to represent each family member — The kids frosted cookies to (sort of) look like the person who the cookie was intended for. Then they put each masterpiece in a plastic bag and tied it with a ribbon. Was the artwork less than professional? Of course! And everyone loved their cookie-selves. Besides, their presents were delicious!
-
- We made random decorated cookies, put them in plastic bags, tied with a ribbon, and gave them to each member of our extended family.
But if you or your kids hate to bake, don’t let that discourage you from supporting your kids in exercising those generosity muscles. Your kids can:
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
- Draw pictures for everyone and glue them onto construction paper to “frame” them.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
- Make everyone tree ornaments with pine cones, Popsicle sticks, glitter, and lots of other inexpensive materials.
- Earn money to buy presents when your kids get old enough to do odd jobs outside of their family chores. Our children got a huge kick out of trolling the local dollar store for gifts for each other, family members, and friends.
- Give coupons that offer their time and effort — a 15-minute neck, back, or foot rub, kitchen clean-up after the holiday dinner, a certificate for a free car wash, and so on.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Do you have other ideas for gifts kids can give this holiday season? Please share them in a comment!
- HAVE YOUR KIDS TAKE TURNS PICKING OUT A GIFT FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO OPEN.
On whatever gift-giving holiday your family celebrates, help your children focus on others by having them take turns choosing a gift for someone besides themselves to open. You’d be surprised how quick they are to hand presents to siblings. Children figure out fast that sharing with a brother or sister means a present will likely land in their laps to open soon.
- OPEN ONE GIFT ONE AT A TIME.
This way, everyone has a chance to see what others have given and received. Both the giver and the getter can be the center of attention for a moment as the family ooohs and ahhhs over whatever came out of the gift bag or box. This also provides the receiver with the opportunity to thank the giver before moving on to the next present.
- ONCE THE GIFTS HAVE BEEN OPENED, ASK EACH PERSON TO CHOOSE A TASK TO HELP CLEAN UP.
You’ve heard the saying “Many hands make light work” right?
Make a game of counting to ten to see if, as a team, you can get all the torn paper thrown into the trash, the gift bags and garment boxes folded and stacked, and the bows collected to be used again.
Admittedly, getting everyone to participate in cleanup was a little more difficult in our household because we didn’t think to start this practice until the kids were a bit older.
The best time to create such habits is when kids are in second grade or younger, at an age when they like the feeling of competency that comes from contributing to a family project. But older children can learn too. It just takes more discussion and consistency.
- WRITE THANK YOU NOTES TOGETHER.
During that lull after opening presents, or maybe after the family meal, sit at the table with your kids and write thank you notes together. People who weren’t in the room to see your kids open their gifts often enjoy receiving a heartfelt, handwritten note of gratitude more than shopping for or making those gifts!
Your thank you notes will be appreciated too, but cards in your child(ren)’s handwriting will be a hugely welcome discovery amongst the junk we get in our mailboxes these days.
What holiday tradition(s) have evolved in your family?
Please share them with us in a comment! 😊
HAPPY HOLIDAYS to you and yours!
Trish Wilkinson, Author Brain Stages: How to Raise Smart, Confident Kids and Have Fun Doing It, K-5
References
[1] Inagaki, Tristen K., PhD; Ross, Lauren P., BA. “Neural Correlates of Giving Social Support—Differences Between Giving Targeted Versus Untargeted Support, Psychosomatic Medicine: October 2018 – Volume 80 – Issue 8 – p 724–732 doi: 10.1097/PSY.0000000000000623
[2] Andrea Brandt Ph.D. M.F.T. “Science Proves That Gratitude Is Key to Well-Being: Acting happy, coaxes one’s brain toward positive emotions,” Psychology Today, posted Jul 30, 2018, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/201807/science-proves-gratitude-is-key-well-being
[3] Soyoung Q. Park, Thorsten Kahnt, Azade Dogan, Sabrina Strang, Ernst Fehr, and Philippe N. Tobler. “A neural link between generosity and happiness.” Nature Communications, vol. 8, article number: 15964 (July 2017) https://www.nature.com/articles/ncomms15964
