5 simple things that will give you a more joyful Life with kids
If you’re anything like me, I used to think life would get easier when the kids went back to school. Then juggling work with kids’ extracurriculars, multiple schedules, homework, making meals, doing laundry, and trying to have regular two-way conversations with my kids always got hectic fast.
Sadly, intentional two-way conversations are often the first thing to go—and it turns out those are more important than almost anything we do with our kids, according to research!
The good news: I discovered we don’t have to feel harried or stressed.
So much is possible when we slow down to speed up in ways that will save us time.
And we don’t even how to slow down much!
My daughter, in her 20s now, recently sent this text to me about slowing down to speed up:
“Idk if I’ve ever properly thanked you for this, but when I was really little, you taught me in an extremely effective way how to sound out words. It seemed like a normal thing at the time, but because you taught me that so thoroughly, I know how to slow down enough to speed up learning. It’s something that’s made me resilient, patient, and fast when it comes to learning.
These skills most people have to find and learn as adults if they want to go somewhere in software engineering, and I had that built in because I was lucky enough to have you as a mom.”
We can be joyful WAY more often when we do these 5 simple things:
- Take an hour this weekend to show your kids how to do something new FOR THEMSELVES.
I know this sounds like adding to your already busy life rather than taming the time bandit—that list of have-tos that rob us of the rewarding life we deserve.
But think about it.
If you teach your kids to, say, make their own healthy breakfast in the morning and their own healthy lunch the night before, how much time would that save you?
What if you teach your child how to sort the family laundry? Even four- and five-year-olds can do that, which does great things for their brain development in terms of logic and pre-math skills.
You’d be surprised how many ways your kids can help around the house. Doing family chores gives kids a sense of belonging and purpose – while they share the load of household tasks.
Remembering to thank your kids for doing whatever you teach them to do by giving them specific praise – every time – will build self-confidence and encourage them to keep helping with a smile too.
Psst. Expressing gratitude for expected tasks works really well with partners too. My husband and I not only still love each other, but we still like each other after almost 36 years too!
We used a white board with the days of the week. There are also whiteboards with big squares for the month. Or use a paper calendar, or an electronic calendar – whatever works!
Have each family member choose their own color (avoid white or yellow unless your calendar has a dark background).That way,each of you can add your activities, appointments, and project due dates on the calendarin your color.
Before kids are old enough to write, they can draw simple pictures—a stick figure with a baseball bat or soccer ball, for example.
A family calendar, where your kids are responsible for adding their activities has a LOT of benefits.
- Your kids will learn how to be responsible for their activities and school assignments.
- They’ll learn how to get organized (this was important for our family since we all have attention issues).
- They’ll learn to be responsible for their own stuff (possibly at an early age).
- At a glance, the colors ensure the whole family knows who is doing what (which is especially awesome when kids hit middle and high school).
- Family members can support each other in making sure important things don’t get forgotten.
You’ll be delighted to find that the family calendar is a huge incentive for kids to get good at reading and writing too.
And when your kids learn to put their activities on the calendar, you will save you SO. MUCH. TIME.
Give it a few weeks for everyone to get used to using the calendar. Something I found helpful is to get a couple sets of markers at a time, so if anyone’s color started to dry up, it could be replaced quickly.
- Block time on YOUR calendar.
Learning how to block time on my calendar to tackle my to-do list and see progress toward my goals made the difference between me being a HAPPY MOM instead of a frustrated, harried mom.
Here’s how it works.
Block time during the day to work on your to-do list.
Can you carve out 15 minutes? An hour? Whatever time you can carve out of your day is perfect. Check off as many things as you can during the time you’ve given yourself.
Whatever you didn’t get done will still be there tomorrow when you get back to your list.
Do the same things for goals you want to achieve.
Write at the top of your calendar what you want to accomplish that month.
Create time blocks to work toward your goal each week, depending on your schedule.
If something comes up, and you can’t keep your appointment with yourself, reschedule the time block somewhere else on your calendar.
No matter what you accomplish, give yourself props for getting closer to your goal.
Baby steps totally count! Good for you!
Hint: Find a friend who you can support each other in working toward goals. (Without my friend’s encouragement, I easily fall into dwelling on what I didn’t do instead of my progress.)
- Set a timer to take the stress out of time blocks.
I’ve used the oven timer, a portable timer, and my cell phone to inform me when to start an activity and when to switch activities.
Setting a timer, or alarms on your phone, to start and stop activities, takes seconds. You’ll get more done, and the quality of your work will likely be better too.
Now that’s a small investment to slow down so you can speed up!
Setting a timer, rather than looking at the clock, will keep you focused on whatever you’re doing, relaxed and positive.
And hearing a sound at a given time means you won’t lose track of time. Nothing will get missed.
FYI, setting a timer works great for motivating kids to finish homework and work on long-term projects in time blocks too!
- Celebrate your wins!
No matter how much or how little you get done, it doesn’t matter. Chances are, you wouldn’t have checked off as many things on your to-do list or made progress on your goal if you hadn’t scheduled the time to focus on them.
So, celebrate your wins, no matter how small!
Even if you feel like you didn’t make much (or any) progress, you can give yourself props for scheduling time to focus – on setting up the family calendar, for example. You could have learned something that will improve your family system of communication more than you imagined possible.
Something that has been helpful for me is writing a quick list at the end of the day of the things I did to move forward, whether I made it across the finish line or not.
When you accomplish something that makes you happy, be sure to share it with your family.
Having company in your celebration is way more fun. Besides, there’s nothing like modeling the steps toward reaching a goal to motivate kids to set their own goals and work toward success.
So, make the decision to slow down so you and speed up so you can enjoy a calmer life by:
- Teaching your kids to do something new for THEMSELVES,
- Creating a family calendar – your center for communication,
- Blocking time for yourself to knock out your to-do list and work toward goals,
- Using a timer for no-stress time blocks as well as to motivate your kids to get things done, and
- Celebrating your wins, no matter how small.
With just a little bit of planning, your kids can learn some powerful life skills, while you enjoy less stress and more peace, while you get more done.
Other articles you might like:
6 Ways to Build Kids’ Independence and Confidence
5 Ways to Take Care of Yourself so You Can Raise Healthier Kids
Avoid Shaking Confidence—Give Praise that Makes Kids Thrive
Five Secrets to Help Kids Do Better in School that May Surprise You
Do you have other ideas that help to keep you relaxed in the face of so much going on at once? Tell us in a comment!
Best wishes on your parenting journey!
Trish Wilkinson, founder Brain Stages Parenting
Coauthor Brain Stages: How to Raise Smart, Confident Kids and Have Fun Doing It
