Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) — The powerful “buzz phrase” making a difference in kids’ lives.
This is the first of six posts, an SEL series to set up your family for a successful, peaceful school year.
Social and emotional learning (SEL) has become the “buzz phrase” for learning how to recognize and work through our emotions in a positive way for success in today’s world.
A friend told me she and their preschooler took out the trash, and somehow the trashcan got away from them. The can toppled, and the bags inside weren’t tied securely, so poopy diapers, coffee grounds, and watermelon rinds exploded onto the sidewalk. She gasped but managed to hold her tongue. Wide-eyed, her four-year-old stared at the mess and said, “Uh oh, Mommy. I think that’s a damn-it one.” She burst out laughing, and her child started laughing with her. They giggled as they cleaned up the sidewalk together and were still chuckling on their way inside the house to wash their hands.
Hey, just because that mom hadn’t always been in control, she did a good job using restraint in that instant. She also modeled humor as a productive way to deal with spontaneous stress and teamwork to solve the problem.
These are all lessons in social and emotional learning (SEL). SEL helps kids of all ages, from preschool through high school, to develop confidence, empathy, and communication skills for better relationships.
Lots of schools are beginning to incorporate SEL, which is helpful. But whether your kids get SEL instruction at school, or not, YOU can make a huge impact on your kids’ development of the social and emotional skills they need for success in today’s world.
This is the first of SIX posts . . .
. . . to set up you and your family with healthy social and emotional learning for a fabulous school year, no matter your kids’ ages, where, or how they are getting educated.
For the next six posts (this one and five more), you’ll get simple, yet powerful, tools to develop your kids’ social and emotional learning.
- Find out how to support your kids in developing self-regulation by identifying emotions and dealing with them in a healthy way.
- Learn simple ways of communicating for greater understanding, cooperation, and peace in your home.
- Discover a simple way to get kids excited about what they’re learning in school and keep them motivated all year long—and much more!
The Brain Stages SEL series includes:
Part 1: How to Help Kids Identify Emotions and Work Through Them (article is below this list)
Part 2: Building Your Child’s Confidence and Empathy
Part 3: Giving Your Child a Purpose for Learning
Part 4: Celebrating Effort and Progress
Part 5: Showing Your Kids How to Manage Stress and Anxiety
Part 6: Empowering Your Kids Through Problem Solving and Conflict Resolution
Part 1: How to Help Kids Identify Emotions & Deal With Them
Most of us don’t realize how much power we have to create greater respect and kinder communication in our homes.
We often ask our kids general questions like: “How was school? Then we get frustrated when they say, “Fine,” and they walk away.
When we help them identify their feelings by pointing out what we see, we not only get a response instead of watching them walk away, but we give them practice dealing with emotions in a positive way.
For example:
When you pick up your child from school, instead of saying, “Hi, how was your day?”
First, try saying, “Hi! Great to see you.”
Next, tell your child what emotion you see on their face:
“You seem . . .” — happy, thoughtful, excited, satisfied, amused, frustrated, sad, worried, disappointed.
Then Listen. If you guess the wrong emotion, your child will set you straight. They might say: “I’m not excited; I’m just happy.” Or “I’m not sad; I’m mad.”
In this way, you can help them identify the emotion they feel.
Finally, nod and respond with something neutral like “Hmm.” Your child will likely start to explain the cause for the emotion you see.
The most interesting thing is that when kids start explaining what’s going on with them, and we show them we’re listening with short responses like “Hmm” or “Oh”, they often accept their emotion and come up with a positive next step.
Not to mention, we get to know our kids on a whole new level. You’ll be amazed at what you’ll learn about your child or children.
And when we listen to our kids in this way, we model for them how to listen to others.
Of course, you’ll want to answer your child’s questions and share personal stories to illustrate your answers.
But do your best to avoid giving advice and information unless they ASK for it. 😊
It took our family a while to get good at listening to one another without getting impatient and interrupting whoever was talking. But this simple technique is hugely effective for developing real communication, dealing with emotions, and everyone getting better at listening.
Real quick. Here are the five steps again.
- Greet your child. “Hi! Great to see you!”
- Tell them what you see. “You seem deep in thought.”
- Listen.
- Offer neutral responses. “Hmm.” “Oh.” “Really . . .” “I can see that . . .”
- Wait to give advice or share personal stories until your child ASKS for your input.
On a personal note: Remembering to only give feedback when our kids asked for it was the hardest part for me, but eventually it became a habit.
It’s so rewarding to watch your children develop understanding about their emotions and be able to self-regulate their actions while they solve their own issues—just by having us actively listen to them!
After you practice this simple sequence a few times it will come naturally—and you’ll get to know your child on such a deeper level. Seriously.
So, when do you think you can try this with your child or children?
Enjoy!
Best possible wishes on your parenting journey,
Trish Wilkinson, parent coach, author Brain Stages: How to Raise Smart, Confident Kids and Have Fun Doing It
